Monday, November 23, 2009

Cheating On Your Loved One: The Art Of Heartbreak

No, this is not some article on how to cheat on your spouse or on your girlfriend/boyfriend. This article is about how it feels to be on the receiving end of a cheating "other half".
First things first though. Some of you may recall my little story about " Anna" the alcoholic who I was trying to get sober and off of the streets.
Due to events which have taken place in the past 48 hours, I have decided to use her real name from this point on. Why? One reason will be to shame her if she even has any such thing as shame. Another reason is because I have a very real need to vent in public. I am very angry, hostile, and I am hurting in ways that I could never imagine thanks to a cheating partner. And, I feel very,very mean at this point in time!
Terri Ellen is the name of the person of interest here. I met her on the streets as some of you are well aware, and I took it upon myself to try and help her out of her rut. Drinking excessively and living out in the streets is not a thing that any woman should be experiencing. Things started out simple enough, but along the way something happened that should not have been allowed to happen. We fell in love with each other. Other than the usual argument over her drinking habits, we had been doing fine for the most part.
This posting may work better if you just read the letter which I am writing to her.

" Terri Ellen,
I have many question to ask of you, but, I do not know where to even start. I've known you for six months now and I thought that we where doing well considering all of the other bullshit that we have had to put up with. Things haven't been very easy for either one of us, but, the better things in life are never easily attainded, honey.
You went, while I was working, and got high on crack and then you fucked the man that you were getting high with. An ex boyfriend at that! The one that you kept dissing because he had broken your arm once before. Remember telling me that when we first met? I sure do.
You have no excuses, but the reasons that you have givien me are nothing but pure BULLSHIT!!! You got aroused by the crack and so you decided to fuck this shithead? You knew what that crack would do to you, so you went and did some with this asshole anyway, while I'm worrying to death over you because you could have been sick, or dead even. I just went through a different emotional state when you went to jail and it took 4 days to find you! Have you no fucking conscience, you tramp?
Who the fuck do you think that you are to play with my feelings for you, in such the way that you have?
When we where sitting on the bus and you told me that you had smoked that crack and then that you had fucked this punk, the life left me. The light in my eyes went out and I wanted to kill you. Damned you you bitch! Everything that I did was not just for me, but mostly for you, and us as a couple. I spent most of my time working my ass off just to get us the things which we needed, so that you would not have to do without. You know this better than anyone. I've done everything for you and this is the way in which you decide to repay me. By fucking somebody else! That is one very low blow, darlin. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to sleep at night since this went on? Let me fucking tell you, okay? Do you even care at all? Have you ever?
Every time that I close my eyes now, I see only one thing Terri. That would be you and that punk screwing each other. Mental torture can really show you some horrid details when it is allowed to.
You took it upon yourself to not even consider me when you were getting high and doing your other shit. I never crossed your mind, did I? Let me tell you one other thing while I'm here Terri Ellen. They do not make pain medication that works for this sort of pain. It eats at me from the inside non-stop without so much as a brief break. I look at you now and I just want to puke my guts out all over the place.
I'd have moved Heaven and earth for you and you know this as well. I've moved/removed alot of earth for you Terri. How do you show your gratitude? You rip my heart out of my chest and you squeeze it into a blob of jelly. Then you stomped on it after throwing it to the ground. That was still not enough honey, you had to also spit on me and then shit on me for good measure. You have left myself to die from your actions and I still do not think that you care one way or the other.
Guess that I'll just have to wait and see what happens next.You have lost all of my trust as well as the care which I had for you.
Thank You Terri Ellen for what will be one of those Thanksgiving memories which will never be forgotten. it couldn't have happened without you. (Continued )