Saturday, November 12, 2011

Saturday Satire: Dumb Debaters Edition

Rick Perry
''I will tell you: It's three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the -- what's the third one there? Let's see. ... OK. So Commerce, Education and the — ... The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the ... Commerce and — let's see — I can't. The third one, I can't. Sorry. Oops.'' —Rick Perry, experiencing an epic onstage meltdown during a GOP debate, forgetting his plan to abolish the Department of Energy (
Watch video)

Herman Cain
"They [China] have indicated that they're trying to develop nuclear capability and they want to develop more aircraft carriers like we have. So yes, we have to consider them a military threat.'' —Herman Cain, unaware that China has had nuclear weapons since 1964

Michele Bachmann
"Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too." —Michele Bachmann, getting her John Waynes mixed up during an interview after launching her presidential campaign in Waterloo, Iowa, where she grew up. The beloved movie star John Wayne was born in Winterset, Iowa, three hours away. The John Wayne that Waterloo was home to is John Wayne Gacy, a notorious serial killer.

  New Ice Cream Flavor From Herman Cain


Introducing Herman Cain's HarassMint Chocolate Chip with Fondled Fudge Chunks and Assaulted Peanuts. (via BuzzFeed)

Copyright © 2011 Creators Syndicate

Copyright © 2011 Universal Press Syndicate

Copyright © 2011 Universal Press Syndicate

Jay Leno: "As you know by now, a fourth woman has come forward and accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment. This woman gave the details, pretty graphic. She said that Herman Cain tried to put his hand up her. So now when Cain says he is reaching out to the American people, you know what he’s reaching for."

  "At the press conference earlier tonight, Herman Cain said he doesn't remember the woman, he doesn’t recognize her name or her face…her ass he kind of remembers…"
  "Earlier today Herman Cain rejected calls that he should withdraw from the race. He said, 'It ain't gonna happen!' That’s what he said. Ironically, that's what women say to him when he'd put his hand up their skirt."