Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Yes, my Internet connection is still going as slow as honey in Alaska. I did manage to browse the Internet and find a little post making some fun of Republican Mitt Romney, so I now present it to you.

The Chronicles of Mitt: May 23, 2012

Hello, human diary. It is I, Mitt Romney. Today I gave a speech at the Latino Coalition annual economic summit. This was good, because it had the word "economic" in it; it also had the word "Latino" in it, however, which was the trickier part. I have found connecting to ethnic units to be quite difficult, during this campaign. For some reason they seem to be suspicious of my intentions. Immigration seems to be a sensitive topic in this community. I have tried in the past to thread that needle with what I thought was a perfectly sensible proposal, which is that we simply make life in America so miserable for immigrants that they self-deport. The benefits of this policy would be numerous; in addition to reducing government costs by outsourcing immigrant deportation to the immigrants themselves, it turns out that most of my other polices would have the side effect of making non-wealthy members of the country quite miserable already, which means very little additional work would have to be done. This self-deportation policy was, alas, not well received by the ethnic unit community. I still do not fully understand why, but Eric F. has stated that I am not to speak of it again. It is at times like these that I wish I still had access to the undocumented workers that used to work for me, so that I may discuss my ideas on the subject with them, and perhaps receive suggestions on how better to make the lives of undocumented workers less bearable in general. Alas, I was forced to downsize them because I was running for office, for Pete's sake. (Note to self: Pete still owes me for that one. Discuss it with him.) Regardless, my speech today to the ethnic units was satisfactory. I successfully addressed the immigration issue by removing all mentions of it from my speech, thus solving the problem. Not mentioning things is proving to be among my greatest campaign assets, and Eric F. believes we should strive to do more of it. Original