Jon Stewart: on PBS: "Fox News is upset that empty headed puppets are trying to brainwash and indoctrinate Americans. Perhaps they could sue them for copyright infringement."
"I gotta say, if you’re cooking the books, 7.8 percent unemployment is a sh*tty recipe."
immy Fallon: "Last night, a woman on QVC fainted on the air, but her co-host kept talking as if nothing had happened. One person was unconscious while the other one just kept talking — kind of like last week's presidential debate."
Jay Leno: "While the average American's net worth has gone down in the last four years, the net worth of the average member of Congress has actually gone up. No wonder Congress isn't motivated to do anything — they're the only ones better off now than they were four years ago."
"Unemployment is 7.8 percent, the lowest it's been since Obama took office. The Obama campaign said they can't wait to take these statistics and not use them in the next debate."
David Letterman :"It's Nobel Prize season. Earlier today a medical team received the Nobel Prize for reviving the Mitt Romney campaign."
Seth Meyers on Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update": "During Wednesday's debate Mitt Romney said that even though he likes Big Bird, if elected he would stop the subsidy to PBS – it's a surprising threat considering that 'Mitt' is such an excellent Muppet name."