Late Night Political Jokes: Tuesday Edition

It has been some time since i've posted my " Friday Funnies" listing of the best political jokes coming from those late-night talk show hosts, so here is a shortened version for all of you on this fine Tuesday.

David Letterman:
"Congress has been agonizing over health care for months now. Squabbling, fighting, the town hall meetings going crazy. Meanwhile, while they're arguing about health care, we're stuck in two wars that were rubber-stamped in about 10 minutes. What? How does that make any sense when you think about it?"

"People are always saying to me, 'Well, Dave, are you worried?' No, I'm not worried about health care, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm with CBS. ... They have a tremendous health care plan. And here's what it is. Simply, when I die, I get to appear on a 'CSI' show as a corpse."

Bill Maher:

"And then there's the people who come to the town hall meetings about health care and think that Obama is going to do the same thing that Hitler did. I mean, what can't you tell these people that they won't believe? I could start a rumor right now. I could say, you know what? Under Obama's health care plan, when you bring your child to a pediatrician, from now on, when he's done, instead of giving him a balloon, he's going to give the kid a condom. Stupid is a preexisting condition, yes."

"And apparently, it's now no longer enough to be screaming as they've been doing at the town hall meetings. They're now bringing guns. I would say these people are armed to the teeth, but they have no teeth."

"And they're also bringing guns to events with the president of the United States. Did you see these people with the assault rifles? There was a guy -- and it was a black guy -- holding a big assault rifle, which is terrible news for white people. I mean, first we lose our dominance over music, then sports, then golf, then the presidency. Now, black people are taking over the gun-toting redneck industry."

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bldailyfeed3.htm

Have a great day!!

FISA,PATRIOT ACT Fixes Under Way?

Feingold, Durbin to intro FISA, PATRIOT fixes
by ben masel Sun Aug 23, 2009

I caught up with Senator Feingold at his re-election fundraiser/picnic this
morning.He and Senator Durbin have given up on waiting for the Administration to submit a package of amendments to the PATRIOT and FISA Amendment Acts, and are drafting their own. Rollout in approximately a month.
I also asked Russ about legislation creating statutory privacy rights in the location database collected by cellphone carriers, which are not covered by existing law, and courts have been mixed in requiring warrants for law enflorcement access. He's going to see if Durbin wants to include this in the package, otherwise he'll do a standalone bill. I'd discussed both topics with Representative Nadler, Chair of House Judiciary's Subcommitee on Courts and Constitution in the elevator at Netroots Nation, convinced him to hold hearings on the location privacy issue "in a couple months."

Latest Polling From Rasmussen

As of Tuesday, August 17, 31% of our country strongly approves of the way that President Obama is working as our President. At the same time, 46% strongly dislike the way that Obama is handling things. We knew that the numbers would be going down in time, but this is lousy timing as Obama attempts to get his Healthcare plan going. The Prez needs all of the support that he can muster!
In other polling stats, 42% of voters now expect that their taxes will be going up during the Obama years, while only 6% of voters expect a tax cut. I do hope that those 6 percent aren't to shocked when their taxes do go up. Common sense will tell you that taxes will have to go up in order to finance our debt and the programs which will come into being under this administration. Remember this though, Bush was responsible for many of the cutbacks which will have to be re-instated once again by President Obama.
The final numbers on Obama's approval/disapproval? 49% of voters say that they overall approve of Obama's job performance, while 50% disapprove. Well hell! You can't please everybody, can you?
SOURCE:http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/obama_administration/daily_presidential_tracking_poll

National Health Care

As the health care debate rages on up in DC., a few companies are giving the rest of us their two cents worth. Of course, these companies are not in favor of any real health care reform, so their ideas are not in line with the reforms that the Obama camp is proposing. No big surprise there.
shellac from http://www.dailykos.com has an open letter to one of those companies, Whole Foods.

My letter to the Nashville Whole Foods management
by shellac
Fri Aug 14, 2009 I am a Nashville area surgeon and a loyal
customer of the Nashville Whole Foods ever since it first opened. This is true
no longer. I was stunned and deeply disappointed to read Mr. Mackey's right-wing
propaganda piece in the WSJ. He has his right to speak his point of view. I have the right to take my money elsewhere.
This is the letter I wrote in the feedback page at my local Whole Foods store's website.I am a Vanderbilt physician and a loyal customer of Whole Foods for years now. It is with some degree of remorse that I write this letter, but I feel I have no choice.Your CEO Mr. Mackey's ill-informed article does tremendous harm to the cause of health care reform. His solutions, e.g. high deductible plans, are simply ridiculous. These things are part of the problem, not the solution. As the country spirals further into debt from health insurance costs, lining the pockets of health insurance company CEOs along the way, and America falls further and further behind other developed nations in all leading health indicators, Mr. Mackey has the audacity to point to Medicare as the problem. Of course his solutions are silly--they are simply right-wing talking points.
Hypocrites like him are the same people who would not bat an eyelash at sending troops to Iraq, causing the deaths of many Iraqis and Americans, and then footing the massive bill. Yet they balk at the idea of paying for health care reform, something that has the ability to save millions of lives. I truly do not understand this.
Mr. Mackey has the right to speak his point of view. We customers similarly have a right to support those businesses whose political support will not be detrimental to society. I realize that the employees in the Nashville store may not agree with Mr. Mackey, but I would be in violation of my Hippocratic Oath and my duties as a physician if I continued to support Whole Foods. For those employees who may suffer as innocent bystanders, I am truly sorry.Good luck.
I truly do not understand what is going through this cretin CEO's mind when he penned this op-ed. Does he not know that Americans are dying for lack of proper health care? Or does he not care?
Whatever. I will never step foot in that store again.