Friday Funnies: The Weiner Edition

   It’s  the weekend and what better way to kick it into gear than with some Weiner jokes?  You all knew that this was coming, so just sit back and enjoy it. What else do you have to do?

 

The Daily Show

 

Conan O'Brien : "It turns out that one of the women Congressman Anthony Weiner was communicating with was a porn star. When asked how it was possible to get involved with someone in such a sleazy business, the porn star said, 'I don't know.'"

51 percent of New York voters think Congressman Weiner should keep his seat in office. The other 49 percent think that he should disinfect it."

"Congressman Weiner reportedly called Bill Clinton to apologize for his behavior. After Bill suggested that Weiner also call Hillary, Weiner said, 'Don't worry, I sent her a text.'"

Jon Stewart: “What?! The congressman had a sex scandal and had to apologize to Bill Clinton? For what?! Copyright infringement?"

Jay Leno : "This is why Twitter exists. Members of Congress can now send you pictures of their penises electronically. Remember the old days of Senator Larry Craig when you had to get in your car, drive to the airport, find the airport bathroom, try to figure out which stall he's in, knock on the door...Now they send it right to your house."

"Congressman Weiner has admitted that he did carry on explicit online relationships with six different women. Well, he thought they were women. Turns out three were woman, one was a guy pretending to be a woman, and the other two were congressmen."

"A second woman has come forward now. She says she has over 200 explicit sex messages from the married congressman. She says they're very short messages. Like cocktail wieners."

Stephen Colbert : Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? Come on! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!"

Craig Ferguson: "But I have to ask this: What kind of world are we living in when porn stars make Weiners go down?' It's reverse world!"

Technorati Tags: Anthony Weiner,Weinergate,Politics,Political Humor.Late Night Talk,Jay Leno,Conan O'Brian,Jokes,Humor,Current Events

Florida Governor Scott Delivering The Jobs…Not!

The lies that this American Taliban Member will tell has no limits.

 Here he takes credit for jobs coming to Boca Raton.

For Gov. Rick Scott's charade of the day, he's championing the move of a Canadian company's U.S. headquarters to Boca Raton -- a move that was nearly cemented before the governor even took office.  [...]

The press release from Scott's office happens to ignore the fact that a deal existed before Scott went to his trip:

"This announcement speaks volumes about the strides we are taking to create the best business environment in the U.S.," the governor says. "Many companies here in Canada have expressed their desire to do business with Florida because of our excellent business climate and commitment to cut taxes and grow jobs - proof that we are capturing the attention of the business community worldwide."

Technorati Tags: Governor,Rick Scott,Florida,Jobs,Current Events,Politics

So, What?

Who gives a crap

by Muskegon Critic @ DKos

Every day it seems there's a new thing to completely alienate me from American politics.

The obsession with Anthony Wiener's dick shots. The obsession with the latest dumb ass shit Sarah Palin said about Paul Revere or other topic. The obsession with some congressman who solicited sex through Craigslist.

You know, forget about the millions of Americans in poverty, struggling with hunger, the crushing unemployment, the cities lain to waste...forget about all that. Forget about it. Because we have political celebrities to follow.

Maybe...maybe...just MAYBE...maybe someday Americans will start giving a shit about shit that impacts their lives rather than giving a shit about shit that won't impact shit.

Maybe...just MAYBE...Americans who are hurting, losing their jobs, homes, savings, health care...see this as just some distant political masturbation by a class of people who have NOTHING to lose. NOTHING. NOTHING to lose. While the rest of America is ignored some more.

It's just so much easier for all of us to agree that posting your dick online is a bad idea...and it's so much easier for us all to agree that Sarah Palin is a dumbass.

But you know...the longer I'm immersed in this Punch and Judy game the more it's obvious it's just a distraction from actual peoples' lives.

The rest of us scum of America...the filthy, unwashed scum...it's fine if we engage in these acts because we're worthless, futureless nobodies. But dear god, being wrong about history and online dalliances for our congressmen or idiotic half therm Alaskan Governors, these issues deserve to be front and center in NATIONAL NEWS because these people need to be held up to a higher standard than the rest of us putrid, useless Americans.

Please...PLEASE...show us MORE of these crotch shots from Brittany Spears or Anthony Weiner or whoever is showing their genitals because dear God this is so much more useful to us and so much simpler than actual policy that makes my life more bearable as an American.

This bullshit focus on the cult of personality and fame in DC isn't helping anybody.

It Is Not Helping Anybody.

If this little game of who does or says what stupid shit on their own personal time is what is meant by electing more and better Democrats, then count me out.

I didn't sign on to play some role in a political tabloid game. I signed on to get shit done.

Seriously...you can almost hear the politicos on both sides of the aisle heave a sigh of relief that this Weiner thing and Palin thing has taken the pressure off to actually get anything done. All they have to do is show the right amount of indignance and they can ride that for a couple weeks or news cycles.

This Weiner thing...it's stupid. This Palin-Paul Rever thing, it's also stupid.

Stupid.

Technorati Tags: The Economy.Sarah Palin,Jobs,Unemployment,Politics,Current Events

The Newt Loses His Top Aides

  From the A.P.

Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich's campaign manager, senior strategists and key aides in early delegate-selection states all resigned on Thursday, a mass exodus that leaves his hopes of winning the Republican nomination in tatters.

Rick Tyler, Gingrich's spokesman, said he, campaign manager Rob Johnson and senior strategists had resigned, along with aides in the early primary and caucus states of Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina.

Other officials said Gingrich was informed that his entire high command was quitting in a meeting earlier in the day. They cited differences over the direction of the campaign but were not more specific.

  That will pretty much put the nail in the coffin lid for Gingrich’s presidential aspirations. Not that the little man had any kind of a chance in the first place.

  Later days, Newt.

Technorati Tags: Newt Gingrich,Republicans,2012 Elections,Current Events