Saturday, January 28, 2012

Saturday Satire: WTF? Edition

   Most of the late-night comedians took the week off, I guess to keep themselves from overdosing  on the stupidity of the Republican Party presidential candidates.

Conan O'Brien: President Obama told the nation ‘The state of our union is strong,’ while Newt Gingrich told his wife, 'The state of our union is open.'"

"House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says she has dirt on Newt Gingrich, but so far she's keeping her lips sealed — because that's how the last surgeon left them."

"Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows."

Stephen Colbert: "After Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt's campaign looked terminally ill, which is when he generally moves on to something better."

"Newt Gingrich crushed Mitt Romney on Saturday (in South Carolina). … Gingrich sealed his victory in last week’s debates by going after America’s most dangerous enemy: debate moderators."

Bill Maher: "Rick Perry dropped out. He said while it’s sad he won’t be president, he can always run again next year."

"Newt Gingrich's ex-wife went on nightline and said that he wanted to have an open marriage. This is the second wife, talking about him when he was fooling around with what became the third wife. Newt wanted apparently to have his wife and his marriage and also women on the side giving him oral sex. This way he could be nice and relaxed when he went to work and accused blacks of feeling entitled."

"Newt was mad. He said 'I am not a philanderer; I am a blow job creator.'"

"I thought the race was over; I thought Mitt Romney had closed it. You know for a guy that is supposed to be a great business man, he sure can’t close the deal. And now it looks like Mitt vs. Newt; Alien vs. Predator."

"New Rule: The NAACP must take Newt Gingrich up on his offer to stand in front of the their convention and tell them why black people should want jobs instead food stamps. This way I can finally answer a question that's been bugging me for years: can Newt Gingrich run?"


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