Saturday Satire

David Letterman: "Mitt Romney lost all three of the primaries. Today, he begged Donald Trump to take back his endorsement."

“To undo the negative publicity Mitt Romney received from tying his dog to the top of a car on a cross-country vacation, Mitt responded by tying the car to the top of his dog.”

“Newt Gingrich says that people who ride on subways here in New York are the elite. I was on the subway today and one of the elites sitting next to me was smoking crack.”

Conan O'Brien: "Since yesterday's primaries, Rick Santorum's campaign has received $250,000 in donations. When Mitt Romney heard this, he said '$250,000? Oh, that's cute.'"

Jay Leno: "Rick Santorum says that he is what the Republicans really want. Mitt Romney says now that he knows what Republicans want, he can change to those positions."

“President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?”

'”Romney was at a loss to explain why he dropped the ball. In fact, his wife is now blaming it on the New England Patriot receivers."

"Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get."

Jimmy Kimmel: "There's really no reason for anyone to drop out of the race. If you wind up in fourth place, you become a regular contributor on Fox News. You come in third, you get your own show on Fox News."

Technorati Tags: Political Humor,Mitt Romney,Rick Santorum,Late Night Talk,Jay Leno,Conan O'Brian,Donal Trump,Newt Gingrich,Current Events,An American Gothic

Who Really Takes American’s Jobs Away

   I’ll tell you one thing. It is not all of those illegal aliens who come across the border. It’s Americans who are taking them away.

   Meet some kings of industry:

GE CEO Jefferey Immelt

General Electric announced it's moving its 115-year-old X-ray business from Waukesha, Wisconsin to Beijing, China.The X-ray business is part of General Electric's GE Healthcare unit, and this move is just part of a broader plan by GE to invest $2 billion in China.

CEO of Evergreen Solar, Mike El-Hillow

Aided by at least $43 million in assistance from the government of Massachusetts and an innovative solar energy technology, Evergreen Solar emerged in the last three years as the third-largest maker of solar panels in the United States.

But now the company is closing its main American factory,laying off the 800 workers by the end of March and shifting production to a joint venture with a Chinese company in central China.

Keith Schmid, former CEO of Boston-Power

Boston-Power Inc., which two years ago was passed over in its bid to get $100 million in federal aid to build a lithium-ion battery factory in Auburn, Mass., has followed through on its warning that it could turn to China as a new home.

The Westborough-based company, which had raised almost $200 million in venture funds, has received $125 million in private and government funding from sources in China, and is turning its focus to China for its manufacturing, its headquarters and some of its research and development. About 35 percent of the company’s roughly 110-person staff is expected to be cut in the next week or so.

None of em looks like a Chinese girl on a bicycle, do they? In fact, they're white guys just like YOU.

Sourced from      Triple-B In The Building

Technorati Tags: Pete Hoekstra,Outsourcing,GE,China,Boston Power,Current Events,An American Gothic

Employer birth-control 'exemptions' are a phony issue

 by Hunter for Daily Kos    Thu Feb 09, 2012

Fake. Controversy.

Twenty-eight states already require organizations that offer prescription insurance to cover contraception and since 98 percent of Catholic women use birth control, many Catholic institutions offer the benefit to their employees. For instance, a Georgetown University spokesperson told ThinkProgress yesterday that employees “have access to health insurance plans offered and designed by national providers to a national pool. These plans include coverage for birth control.”

Similarly, an informal survey conducted by Our Sunday Visitor found that many Catholic colleges have purchased insurance plans that provide contraception benefits [...]

How fake? Pretty darn fake:

“The employee health insurance plans include a prescription contraceptive benefit, in compliance with state and federal law,” DePaul University spokesperson Robin Florzak confirmed to ThinkProgress.

No, really. Really, really damn fake:

Yes, the [Georgia] law was originally passed back in 1999, four years before Republicans gained control of Georgia’s government. But Republicans have had ten years in which to change the law if they thought there was a problem with it; yet, it has remained intact through ten Republican-controlled legislative sessions.

And with no stated exceptions, this law applies to mega-employer Saint Joseph’s Hospital, a 410-bed acute care facility in Atlanta with several subsidiaries including an employed physician’s group and research facilities, with a total of 3,000 employees. And the law also applies to Saint Mary’s Hospital, a 196-bed acute care hospital in Athens, GA.

Both hospitals are members of the Catholic Health East system.

But you see, everyone just noticed that right now. Or rather, it suddenly became untenable just now.

So some Catholic bishops and assorted other anti-healthcare and anti-letting-women-have-birth-control hangers-on have got their knickers in a double bowline over something that has already been the law for many years, that Catholic institutions have been complying with without difficulty for years, and which only just now, for some inexplicable reason that nobody can quite explain, is suddenly an epic threat to Whatever. Because if we don't allow large American employers "exemptions" from national laws in accordance with their every possible religious prejudice, no matter how fringe, then the government is oppressing people.

This can only mean that once again, we have solved all of America's other problems and are at a loss for other things to complain about.

Again, since it is apparently difficult for some people to understand: We are not talking about going into churches and demanding people take birth control when they don't want to. We're not talking about going into churches at all, for that matter. We're talking about large employers, colleges and hospitals, and stating that their religious beliefs do not trump employment laws or the rights of their employees, many of whom are not even of the religion in question. Want to form a church? You can believe whatever you want, and act however you want. Oppress women, be bigoted against brown people, whatever floats your ark. Want to be an employer? Then certain rules apply. You have to provide a minimum wage, you can't chain people to their workstations, you have to have sufficient bathrooms, and if you provide them healthcare you have to provide it in a non-discriminatory fashion to both men and women, and without religious dogma attached. It's a simple concept. A college is not a church. A hospital is not a church. Putting a big cross outside doesn't allow you to treat your employees however you want regardless of the law, and America is very roundly screwed if that ever becomes the case.

This is a non-issue being pushed into the spotlight because one side desperately needs to convince people they're being oppressed and needs preferential treatment. In this particular case, the bishops don't even have the respect of their own flock, and the conservatives using it as yet another bludgeon against healthcare reform doesn't have the public on their side. Yes, yes, it's a "wedge issue." But it's an embarrassingly phony one. The White House has done themselves no favors by continually "negotiating" the non-issue, either. Show some spine, and stick up for employees. It shouldn't be up to your damn employer whether you're "allowed" to use birth control or not.

Send an email to the White House and tell President Obama to stand firm on requiring all health insurers to cover contraception without co-pays.

Technorati Tags: Birth Control,CatholicChurch,Contraception,Health Care,White House,Barack Obama,Womens Rights,Current Events,An American Gothic,Politics,Republicans

Republicans Give Up, Nominate Obama.

 

by detroitmechworks        Tue Feb 07, 2012

According to an unnamed source,

"We just can't get the base enthused about any of the nominees."

Turning to pure desperation tactics, the Republican Party decided today that their only tactic for victory in November was in fact to nominate...

President Obama.

But don't worry, they've got a plan.

(Explanation on the flip.)

Obama's Republican running mate, will of course be Sarah Palin. This changes the dialog to Biden vs. WHO? on the national ticket.

Republicans have gone over the last election with a fine toothed comb, and determined that the only person to actually get votes was the semi-coherent, ultra-conservative, well we think she's cute, former half-term Governor of Alaska.

Plans are under way to present this as a "Fair and Balanced" ticket, while suggesting that this will really be a co-presidency, similar to what W. had with Cheney.

Rumors that attempts will be made to inflame "Lone Extremists" after Palin becomes vice-president are in extremely poor taste, and an affront to everything the Republican party stands for.

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama,Republican Party,Sarah Palin,2012 Elections,Snark,Current Events,An American Gothic,Politics

Conservative Clint Eastwood Bit The GOP’s Head Off With Super Bowl Ad…

    …. and it has made the likes of Fake Fox News and Karl Rove flat out lose their minds. It was a really great “ America “ commercial, which really drives Republicans batshit crazy.

 Why the Right Went Insane Over the Clint Eastwood Superbowl Ad

by CaseyGregg    Tue Feb 07, 2012       Original Post

If you go by buzz there is no question that the Clint Eastwood ad “It’s Halftime in America”, for Chrysler was a Superbowl winner. It’s a great commercial that eclipses last year’s version, which itself was pretty good. It is of course the political charges by the Monday Morning quarterbacks in the Republican aparachnik, that give this spot real heat and can make it trend positively for Obama not just this week, but throughout the election season.

It’s strange, but it seems a chance series of elements coalesce to create a perfect election year narrative for Obama.

Combine an action hero living legend, the most depressed big city in America, and a bailed out car company, then drape it in a message of hope and glory and a call to those who are willing to fight hard and win.

“Yeah, it’s halftime in America, and our 2nd half’s about to begin”

Nothing is more American than the football half-time speech, or more political. Every Republican

wants to win one for the “Gipper,” even if Reagan’s policies would virtually disqualify him for party leadership today.

It’s an incredibly powerful narrative. The idea of Barack Obama at the half-way point of his Presidency, refusing defeat and fighting on, and asking you to fight on with him. A national effort to “come from behind, and come together” and be great again. The car companies rescued and now thriving are the perfect illustration of why Obama should be given a second term. Biden may a windbag at times, but I’ll give him credit for his recent statement on why Obama should be reelected, “Bin Laden’s dead and GM is alive.” Good night, game over, drive home safely.

The ad itself is masterfully produced, with it’s placement right at halftime grabbing your attention as Clint Eastwood references the players of the game you are watching. Of course, there is no badder ass than Dirty Harry, as his cinematic speech about the wonders of a .44 Magnum is practically hymnal in these United States.

Seeing it live, about halfway through I myself thought that it seemed politically tinged, referencing the bail-outs, and division within the country, and the fact that people are out of work and hurting. But I quickly realized it was Chrysler’s follow-up commercial similar to last year's spot with Eminem. To a political junkie, or a hyper-sensitive republican operative, it screamed like an Obama ad. Karl Rove and Michelle Malkin quickly registered their offense, even as Clint Eastwood and Chrysler disclaimed any political intention, saying they were simply trying to engender some cheap sympathy, play on people’s patriotism, and ultimately move some iron and make some frackin’ money.

Most people will likely see this commercial for its original intent, to sell cars. Republicans are going through a “purity” phase in their party, and are so quick to witch hunt, they’ll turn on anyone who even talks about an “elephant in the room.” But while the Right may be deranged about Obama, it does know powerful political messaging when it sees it; and it gets positively nauseous when it sees a democrat benefiting from it. The Right's only conclusion can be of conspiracy, even if in this case there is no there, there.

Still that doesn't mean that the Obama reelection effort should just laugh this windfall off as a funny coincidence. This ad, and the concept of “It's Halftime in America,” is a gift from heaven to the Obama reelection effort, and they should pick this up and run with it. Like Robert Duvall’s character in the Paddy Chayefsky film Network says about his TV show “It’s a big fat big-titted hit.” It resonates perfectly with the never say die spirit of football, and America, and it’s a very effective way of framing the argument for Obama’s 2nd term, and against the people who’s only goal is to see him fail.

Football season will be in full season again during the election, “It's Halftime in America” makes people want to see the home team win, and the home team in this case is Obama.

Technorati Tags: 2012.Clint Eastwood,Barack Obama,Chrysler,Super Bowl,Advertising,Current Events,An American Gothic,Republicans,Politics

Newt Gingrich; A Liberal’s Nightmare

    That is what der Standard's Florian Niederndorfer from Austria calls Mr. Gingrich. The reporter forgot to add that Newt has also become the GOP’s recurring nightmare as of this election cycle.

    der Standard      February 1, 2012

Translated By Ron Argentati At WatchingAmerica.com

In spite of Florida, “Comeback Kid” Newt Gingrich reminds us of the darker side of the Clinton years.
The television series “Portlandia” tells us, "The dream of the '90s is alive in Portland," the hipster capital of the United States. According to the program's plot, the liberal Clinton years never died there, but the idyllic image ignores the fact that there's often a dark side to pleasant dreams. Anyone dreaming of a return to the 1990s, as the protagonists in the series do, will have a sleepless night courtesy of Newt Gingrich, Clinton's most determined enemy.
The 68-year-old is a nightmare plaguing liberal Americans both inside and outside Portland's city limits ever since the 1990s, and it's one that stubbornly refuses to let go. Despite his defeat in Florida, Gingrich fights on with determination against his rival Mitt Romney. He has often been on the ropes before in this match, but just as his political career appears to be gradually fading, he shows why he earned the title of “Comeback Kid” in his battles with Clinton.
Liberal America is obliged to take part in these flashbacks that recall the darker side of the Clinton years. As Speaker of the House, Gingrich criticized Clinton for his affair with Monica Lewinsky, a 23-year-old White House aide. He did so at the same time he was cheating on his wife, who was ill with multiple sclerosis, by carrying on his own affair with an assistant 23 years his junior. And he also attacks a prudish Mitt Romney for his supposedly improper role as an investment banker in the 1990s, while he himself was earning millions from the bankrupt Freddie Mac mortgage company.
Newt Gingrich, the Scourge of the '90s, is still alive and kicking, at least until Super Tuesday, and he still sees his fight against liberal America as unfinished.

Technorati Tags: Newt Gingrich,2012 Elections,Liberals,Democrats,Republicans,Mitt Romney,Current Events,An American Gothic,Politics,Watching America

 

Mitt Romney and Wife Ann: Offshore Accounts

   You all know about GOP front-runner Mitt’s offshore banking interest, but, it looks as if his wife also has had a Swiss bank account with $3 million in it.

Ann Romney: $3M Swiss Bank Account for fun and pleasure

Fri Feb 03, 2012      By Polecat @ Daily Kos

Mitt Romney's wife had $3M in a secret UBS Swiss Bank Account through 2010.  This was not reported on Federal Disclosure Forms.

link and here's a Google cache because the other link is very slow.

The release of the tax returns shows Romney neglected to disclose some required financial information in his personal disclosure form filed with the Office of Government Ethics last year. His team apparently timed the release of his tax records with the hope that State of the Union hooplah would dominate news coverage and result in his finances getting less attention than they might otherwise. And that appears to been correct. His failure to divulge information about 23 investments, and more important his use of secret Swiss bank accounts, has been given a free pass.

23 Investments were not declared on his Federal Disclosure in 2011.

From the LA Times

An examination by the Los Angeles Times/Tribune Washington Bureau found that at least 23 investments detailed in the couple's 2010 tax returns did not show up or were not listed in the same fashion on Romney's most recent financial disclosure, including 11 based in low-tax foreign countries such as Bermuda, the Cayman Islands and Luxembourg.

(my emphasis)

Among the assets omitted is a Swiss bank account in Ann Romney's blind trust that held $3 million until it closed in 2010. The account was listed on a financial disclosure Romney filed in 2007, but it was mistakenly named as an asset held by the couple, not as part of Ann Romney's trust. A campaign spokeswoman said Thursday that Romney will file amendments to both his 2007 and 2011 financial disclosures to correctly identify the bank account.

The Romney campaign dismissed the omission of information as inadvertent and inconsequential, noting he has released more than 600 pages of details about his finances. Indeed, among the hundreds of investments listed on his recent financial disclosure are many foreign funds.

Inconsequential.  $3M in a Swiss Bank Account for your wife.

And she has a blind trust?  Is this blind trust also run by your close friend that runs your own trust, Mr. Romney?

The part that I find the most interesting is that it was closed in late 2010: "I'm running for office, for Pete's sake!"

Yeah.

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney,Ann Romney,Taxes,Offshore Banking,UBS,Federal Disclosure,2012 Elections,Current Events,An American Gothic