Friday, February 03, 2012

Friday Funnies: The Mittzilla Edition

    So Mitt Romney beat up the Newt in the Florida primary and then showed even more of his true colors by saying that he wasn’t to concerned with poor people because they have a safety net, which every Republican on the planet is trying to do away with.

   Then, on Thursday, the Romney got that most coveted endorsement by Mr. 1% himself, Donald Trump.

Conan O'Brien: "Mitt Romney went to a McDonald's and ordered burgers and fries and apparently everything was going well until Romney asked the cashier if she could break a $1 million bill."

"Studies are showing that Republican candidates are buying a lot of their ad time on the Weather Channel. You can tell because last night, the weatherman blamed the cold front on immigration and gay marriage."

Craig Ferguson: "A lot of people want Gingrich and Romney to continue their attacks on each other all the way to the convention. These people are called Democrats."

Stephen Colbert: "I don't know whether Mitt Romney or Newt Gingrich won but we do know one thing for certain: tomorrow both of them can go back to ignoring Latinos."

Jay Leno: “Newt Gingrich has been attacking Mitt Romney for being wealthy and having money in bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. See, that’s when you know you’re part of the top 1 percent, when your bank’s address has the word ‘island’ in it.”
“But, Romney says he is not a creature of Washington. He has lived in the real streets of America. I believe it’s Easy Street, if I’m not mistaken.”
“In fact, when Mitt Romney was young, he and his gang controlled their hood's hedge fund.”

Bill Maher: “Mitt Romney said he loves Florida. All the sunshine and sandy beaches reminds him of the country where he keeps hi money.”

“These debates have jumped the shark because last night the Republican stalked about three things: deporting Mexican grandmothers, building a colony on the moon that could become the 51st state, and how Obama is out of touch.”

Newt Gingrich -- this is guy is clinical. He thinks he’s some sort of intergalactic ruler. He said by the end of my second term as president, we will have a colony on the moon, and if there are enough people there, it can petition to be the 51st state. We’ll call it Lunarchusetts.”