Friday, April 13, 2012

Saturday Satire: Mitt Romney And Rick Santorum

Jimmy Fallon:  "After dropping out of the GOP race, Rick Santorum emailed his supporters to ask for help paying off his campaign debt. So if you believe in his message of responsible spending and no handouts, just give him a handout to cover all his irresponsible spending."

"Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. Jindal said he couldn’t think of a better way to show his support than waiting until Romney was the only guy left."

"Over the weekend, Mitt Romney was actually spotted body-boarding in California. Romney would've gone surfing, but you know, he hates standing for something."

Jay Leno: "President Obama's popularity is starting to dwindle among well-known liberals like Matt Damon and Gene Simmons. In fact, you know the number one liberal to turn against President Obama? Mitt Romney."

“Today was the annual White House Easter Egg Roll - or, as the Republicans call it, 'President Obama's Socialist Egg Redistribution Program.'”

Jimmy Kimmel:  "West is a guy that some think should be Mitt Romney's running mate. I would like that. We haven't had a truly crazy vice president . . . well, until now."

David Letterman: "Rick Santorum has dropped out of the race. He wanted to ban gambling and outlaw pornography. And this is a guy who claims Romney is out of touch with America."

"Now that Santorum is out of the race, that leaves Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul out there vying for the crackpot vote."

"Gingrich is $5 million in debt. And he's the guy who was going to fix our economy."

Conan O'Brien: “Newt Gingrich says he still has a chance. He say people walk up to him all the time and beg him to stay in the presidential race. It’s a group of people known as Democrats.”