Wednesday, May 30, 2012

BREAKING! Obama To Sell Florida Back To Spain!

     Hello.  Joe Arpaio here.  You probably didn't know I was a Kossack.  Well, I'm gonna school you on that and a lot of other things.  For example, did you know that my Special Investigation Unit has just received solid intelligence to the effect that when King Juan Carlos was visiting Pensacola, Fla. in February 2009, he wasn't just there to commemorate the 450 years since the city's founding by Spaniards. 

In fact, the Spanish King was there to sign an earnest money agreement with "President" Obama, whereby the United States would sell Florida back to Spain.

As America's Toughest Sheriff®, I've been watching this situation for some time.  It looks like when Michelle Obama went to visit the Spanish royal family in August 2010 with her daughter Sasha, this was simply a cover story.  

The real purpose of course was to turn over her extra keys to Florida and give Queen Sofia the instructions on how to set the burglar alarm.

And tell me that this isn't suspicious:

PENSACOLA, Florida (AP): In the City of Five Flags on Thursday, it was the red and yellow of the Spanish banner that dominated as King Juan Carlos and Queen Sofia helped celebrate the history Pensacola shares with their country.

School children wearing the Spanish colors and thousands of others with signs lined much of the route from Pensacola Beach to downtown to welcome the royal couple, who were invited as part of the 450th anniversary of the first Spanish settlement in what is now the United States.

Can you imagine the brainwashing that's already gone on to accustom little school children into fervently waving the Spanish flag?

I've been reading how back in 2010, this Obama fellow, whoever he is, met with the King of Spain in February 2010 and told King Juan Carlos he'd like to visit Spain.  Then it hit me like a federal lawsuit alleging systemic abuses of civil rights by my own department:  Obama means he'd like to visit Disney World as soon as it gets sold back to Spain!

All you have to do is connect the dots ...

* In 2010, the American Youth Soccer League held its National Games in Palm Beach, Florida.  Soccer of course is the most popular sport in Spain.  The 9,000 so-called players, coaches and so forth that came to the city were actually foreign infiltrators trying to subvert the local Floridians from true American sports, such as football, roller derby, and getting drunk and trying to shoot a beer can off your buddy's head with a crossbow.

* At the University of Florida the College of the LIBERAL Arts & Sciences has a whole department dedicated to the study of ... Spanish.  There can only be one purpose why liberals would want the youth of Florida to study Spanish: to prepare them to become subjects of Juan Carlos, rey de España.


* The Miami Dauphins aren't called that for no reason.  Juan Carlos I is in fact a member of the Bourbon family, which invented whiskey (that's how they got all their money) and also became kings of Spain after the War of Jenkin's Ear (or Jones's Nose, or something like that).  And "Dauphin" was one of the titles used by the Bourbons, there's even a picture of a Dauphin on their coat of arms!  Coincidence?  I think NOT.

* Florida has 29 electoral votes, and is considered a swing state.  And it's no surprise that the Liberal "President", Barack Obama, would consider selling Florida back to Spain.  That whole anti-colonist spin he was putting on (with the aid of his double agents, Dinesh D'Souza and Newt Gingrich) was just a false flag to prevent the Republicans from ever again getting Florida's electoral votes.

And if that doesn't convince you, consider the bilingualism at Florida's resorts.  Our academics at prestigious Area 51 University have translated this apparently innocuous Spanish text:

¡Atención los miembros del equipo de Expedición Everest! Una vez a bordo, asegurar todas las artes en la sección de carga frente a usted. Entonces, baje el cinturón de seguridad. Para su seguridad, permanezca sentado con las manos, brazos, pies, y piernas dentro el tren. Y cuida los ninos. Gracias.

into it's true nefarious form ...

Pssst, comrades of the Left Wing Conspiracy! See those happy people the next car over gibbering away in English?  Well, pretty soon Florida's gonna be reunited with the Spanish crown, and it's those folks who will be picking the oranges and the lettuce and you'll be the ones calling in to Rush Limbaugh complaining about furriners.   Ssssh ... keep it to yourself, Barack hasn't gotten over to Spain yet with Air Force One to pick up the money.   We don't want to blow the deal.

Coming up next:  What's Obama doing consulting with Peter the Great?  Is Alaska going back to the czars at 2 cents an acre?

UPDATED: It's been brought to my attention that my opponent, Paul Penzone in the next election, probably doesn't believe that Obama is going to sell Florida back to the Spaniards.  He must be part of the conspiracy too! Whatever you do, don't go to his website at and give him your financial support!

Again, the website NOT to go to is

Originally posted to Plan 9 from Oregon on Fri May 25, 2012