Friday, November 02, 2012

Friday Funnies: Romney Is Almost Over

2 Term

Bill Maher: "Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we're someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning."

dumb voters

"You know what the popular costume with the kids is this year? They get black face and a valium and they go as first-debate Obama."

"We had the last presidential debate. A very subdued Mitt Romney I thought. If you saw it, Obama would talk, and then Mitt would say, 'what he said, but from a white guy.'"

"He morphed into Obama so hard at the end of it he went over and hugged Michelle."

"Today Mitt Romney advised that men should head for the shelters and women should remain in their binders."


David Letterman: "Are you excited about Halloween? People go out pretending to be something they're not, looking for handouts. It's like running for president."

"The debates are over. All that's left right now is to set up and rig the voting machines."

"Do you know who is endorsing Mitt Romney? Lindsay Lohan. It may seem silly to you but not to the Romney campaign. They're very excited. They said they have a chance now to get the shoplifter vote."

Jay Leno: "Donald Trump has been fired from managing the upscale condominium in New York City known as 'Trump Place.' The condominium board fired him. Finally a job loss Obama can be happy about.

"Experts say the entire 2012 election could come down to just eight states. The states are: confusion, dismay, depression, apathy, shock, disbelief, despair, and anxiety. Those are the eight states."

"Even though he's spending all day on Air Force One, there's an office on the plane where the president can work. It's just like being in Washington. He's got the desk, he's got the computer, and he even has a closet that has a group of Republicans who pop out and block anything he tries to do."

"Home sales are up. That's certainly good news. Do you know the most expensive home for sale in the country right now? The White House."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Michelle Obama is with us tonight. She'll encourage us to vote early. Most Republicans are opposed, because they believe that voting starts at conception."

Craig Ferguson: "Today Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama for president. This news surprised many elderly Americans who thought they were the same person."