Sunday Satire:Election, Fiscal Cliffs, Educated Tea Party Pics

David Letterman: "James Bond beat Abraham Lincoln at the box office. Boy, it's really been a lousy week for Republicans, hasn't it?"

"Two-term presidents is a pretty small club in the history of the United States. The only club smaller is Latinos for Romney. And then the only club smaller than that it Latino women for Romney"

"Republicans are talking about being open to compromise when it comes to the fiscal cliff. And I'm saying, 'What the hell have you done with the real Republicans? Where are the real Republicans? That's not the Republicans I know."

"Republicans still will not admit that they underestimated the power of the Hispanic vote. As a matter of fact, Latinos are calling this Cinco Denio."

Craig Ferguson: "The CIA director, David Petraeus, resigned. The FBI caught him having an affair with his biographer. Hey general, you work for the CIA, not the TSA."

"There's a double standard here. The head of the CIA gets caught having sex and has to resign. Meanwhile, a British special agent, James Bond, has sex with tons of women and makes $90 million at the box office. Where's the justice?"

Jimmy Fallon: "Get this. After all the confusion at the polls in Florida last week, Governor Rick Scott said he will review ways to improve his state's voting procedures. It'll be the biggest thing Scott's done since he won that raffle to become governor."

Jay Leno: "Florida has finally finished counting the votes. What is wrong with Florida? Why is it so hard for the people down there to count votes? We're talking about a state where half the population can play 10 bingo cards at the same time."

"The big story here in Los Angeles is the Lakers have fired their coach, Mike Brown. They are playing so bad that President Obama and Chris Christie toured the Staples Center today."

"According to the real estate Web site Zillow, the White House is worth $283 million. When Mitt Romney heard that, he said, "You mean I could have just bought it?'"

 

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney,The Tea Party,Politics,Political Humor,Late Night Talk,David Letterman,Jay Leno,Current Events

Election Losers Whine To Obama Administration

   The rednecks are piss off because the black man was re-elected to a second term. That just flat out makes them ill, so what do they do? How about sending petition’s to the White House?

     Michael E., residing in Slidell, LA. did just that the day after President Obama won his second term. Part of it states:

we petition the obama administration to:

Peacefully grant the State of Louisiana to withdraw from the United States of America and create its own NEW government.

As the founding fathers of the United States of America made clear in the Declaration of Independence in 1776:

“When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

“…Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, that whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it, and institute new Government…”

   Of course, the only reply that they will get back from the White House is one word in upper-case letters..’NO’

   I make note that 18 other states have also joined in on this garbage, including Texas and Oregon.

   If this doesn’t work, then there is always petition plan B, brought to you by Jana W., APO, AE., which pretty much demands an election recount. Seriously, one cannot make this shit up. 25,000 signatures must be collected on either one of them to get anywhere.

we petition the obama administration to:

Recount the election!

It has become blatantly obvious the voter fraud that was committed during the 2012 Presidential elections.  In one county alone in Ohio, which was a battleground state, President Obama received 106,258 votes…but there were only 98,213 eligible voters.  It’s not humanly possible to get 108% of the vote!

If ID laws had been enforced (which the administration is completely against because that meant they would lose) then this wouldn’t be an issue.

Recount NOW!

   What about those voting numbers above? Nothing but another dose of stupid, as Mary Beth Young points out.

108% of the vote?! That didn’t sound right to me so I did a little more checking. According to clash daily.net this astounding vote total happened in Wood County, Ohio so I checked their vote counts and found that 31596 votes were cast for Obama, a percentage of 50.9%. Once again the wing nut echo chamber has pulled some lie out of their ass and found almost 10,000 people gullible enough to sign a White House petition based on this phony story. For anyone who thought the right-wing bubble might finally burst and let a few facts in, these asinine petitions should put that idea to rest.

   I say that Obama should let the red state leave the union and then turn down their requests for foreign aide, which we know they would apply for. Cut off their food stamp program, Medicaid and Medicare and all other government assistance. While we are at it, since the residents would no longer be U.S. citizens, stop all of those S.S.D., S.S.I. and social security checks. Let them all go into a ‘ super third-world ‘ mode while the rest of us sit back and laugh at them.

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama,The White House,Republican Party,Red States,Secession,Secessionist,Politics,Current Events