Why I'm Voting Republican

  Of course I am not voting for any gutter-crawling Republican.

  Here is a sarcastic fact check on those Republican assholes that I hate learned to despise so much over the last eight years.

I'm voting Republican because being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and
you need our prayers for your recovery.

I'm voting Republican because Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

I'm voting Republican because "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

I'm voting Republican because a woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions
affecting all mankind without regulation.

I'm voting Republican because Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of
homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

I'm voting Republican because the best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

I'm voting Republican because group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

I'm voting Republican because if condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

I'm voting Republican because a good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

I'm voting Republican because HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

I'm voting Republican because providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

I'm voting Republican because global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

I'm voting Republican because Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

I'm voting Republican because a president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

I'm voting Republican because Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

I'm voting Republican because the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

I'm voting Republican because what Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

I'm voting Republican because trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

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Late Night Comedy On The Campaign Trail

  A few giggles and laughs for you.

"Sarah Palin has been getting briefed on what she needs to know to be John McCain’s vice president. The first thing they taught her was CPR."
---Conan O'Brien

"[Sarah Palin] knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. ... And, uh, she also happens to represent, be governor of a state that's right next to Russia."
---John McCain on Palin's foreign policy experience

"It's autumn in New York. The leaves are falling. Earlier today, John McCain admitted he doesn’t know how many rakes he owns."
---David Letterman
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"There are only 56 days until the election. I saw that they’re selling Sarah Palin action figures. Sad incident at Toys R Us today---a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony."
---Jimmy Kimmel
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"Well, it's a very strange political campaign. I mean, out on the campaign trail, John McCain and Sarah Palin are talking about how they stood up to the Republican party, they fought the Republican establishment, and they battled Republicans. Their message: vote Republican."
---Jay Leno
 
"New Rule: Republicans must stop saying Obama is an elitist and just admit you don't like him because of something he can't help, something that's a result of the way he was born. Admit it---you're not voting for him because he's smarter than you."
---Bill Maher

Technorati Tags: john mccain,barack obama,sarah palin,2008 election