….and he isn’t wrong in making that observation.
Transcript:
And finally, New Rule. If you can look at a crime where everything points to one answer and not see it, you're a dumbass. And if you can look at the deficit and not see that the problem is that the rich stopped paying taxes, you're a Republican. And before you accuse me of equating the Casey Anthony verdict with Republican thinking, save your breath. I am. I am. I'm equating them.
I'm saying if you're a working-class American who still votes Republican, then you don't get to bitch about that verdict.
....
Now here's Obama's thinking, and it's a little counter-intuitive, but try to follow it. When Clinton was President, the rich paid a little more taxes, and the government had money. Then Bush cut all those taxes, and now we don't. I know it's hard to grasp, it involves subtracting. But in suggesting that in these desperate times, we slightly raise the tax on private jets, Obama was baiting the Republicans to look like extremists by defending private jets.
But the gambit failed, because half the people are not outraged. Half of them say, I'm with the party that cuts all these programs for real people, for the 99%: Planned Parenthood, environmental protection, college, health care, infrastructure; but holds the line on private jets. Voting for them is as stupid as voting not guilty for the mom who lost her baby for a month, and went looking at a wet t-shirt contest.
(wild audience applause)
New Rule. Someone must explain to me, what is the holdup with the Casey Anthony sex tape?
New Rule. You can't be a country that celebrates its birthday with a gluttonous hot dog binge and pyrotechnics, and then not offer universal health care. On the Fourth of July, a man named Joey Chestnut gobbled down 62 wieners, just beating the old record set by George Michael. And at least 8,000 people that day went to the emergency room with fireworks-related injuries. Holding the Fourth of July and not providing the inevitably needed health care, is like holding Oktoberfest and not providing Porta-Potties.
New Rule. If you're a motorcyclist riding helmetless in a rally to protest your state's helmet law, and you crash and die of head injuries that could have been prevented by wearing a helmet, oh well. You wanna have the argument over whether motorcycle helmets are necessary?
(shows picture of Gary Busey)
There. I win.
New Rule. If your dad was on O.J.'s legal dream team, you can't tweet your disappointment over the Casey Anthony verdict. It's like Trisha Nixon bitching about presidential corruption. And remember, your father started a proud Kardashian tradition: getting black men off.
(wild audience applause) Thank you. You're welcome.
New Rule. The Mexican woman who got busted trying to smuggle her common law husband in a suitcase must blame the whole idea on drunkenness. I mean, look at this guy, he's half in the bag! And, sorry for that one.
And finally, New Rule. If you can look at a crime where everything points to one answer and not see it, you're a dumbass. And if you can look at the deficit and not see that the problem is that the rich stopped paying taxes, you're a Republican. And before you accuse me of equating the Casey Anthony verdict with Republican thinking, save your breath. I am. I am. I'm equating them.
I'm saying if you're a working-class American who still votes Republican, then you don't get to bitch about that verdict.
(at this point, Ann Coulter rudely interrupted Bill's closing New Rule)
ANN COULTER: They were all Democrats. I bet they were!
BILL MAHER: You bet they were? I'm doing something here!
ANN COULTER: I don't care! The entire O.J. jury were Democrats! The entire O.J. jury!
BILL MAHER: I'll see you in court! My lawyer....
(back to the closing New Rule)
In his press conference last week, President Obama said maybe, just maybe, the problem with the budget is that the billionaires were "enjoying the lowest tax rates since before I was born". Yeah, like we believe Obama was "born".
Now here's Obama's thinking, and it's a little counter-intuitive, but try to follow it. When Clinton was President, the rich paid a little more taxes, and the government had money. Then Bush cut all those taxes, and now we don't. I know it's hard to grasp, it involves subtracting. But in suggesting that in these desperate times, we slightly raise the tax on private jets, Obama was baiting the Republicans to look like extremists by defending private jets.
But the gambit failed, because half the people are not outraged. Half of them say, I'm with the party that cuts all these programs for real people, for the 99%: Planned Parenthood, environmental protection, college, health care, infrastructure; but holds the line on private jets. Voting for them is as stupid as voting not guilty for the mom who lost her baby for a month, and went looking at a wet t-shirt contest.
(wild audience applause)
Every election, roughly half the population votes Democrat, and the other half votes Republican. Now I understand why the Republicans get 1% of the vote. The richest 1%. That other 49%? Someone will have to explain to me.
The facts about what the Republicans have done to the middle class are beyond reasonable doubt. And yet their base refuses to see it. The moneyed elite in America are dragging a bag filled with your future down the steps, and your reaction is, "Hold on there, that looks heavy. Let me give you a hand getting it into your trunk."
Is it really that radical to suggest slightly trimming the tax break on corporate jets? It seems like a reasonable idea, given that (a) people who buy corporate jets are filthy rich, and (b) I DON'T NEED A (B)! This is a country of the rich, by the rich, for the rich, where every day, it sees our laws and culture cater more to wealthy people: tax breaks, industry-written laws, bailouts, deregulation. All of it goes to making the lives of the rich just a little bit cushier. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say rich? I meant job creators.
Yes. That's actually a prevailing theory on the right, that Obama's rhetoric towards Wall Street has been so hostile, it has created an uncertainty in the business community, because he called them "fat cats" once, and they're still suffering from some sort of jobs creating disorder. Like he burst into the bathroom on them while they were trying to pee, and now they can't go at all.
When did the business community in America become so sensitive that we have to treat them like some sort of rare exotic animal? Don't startle them, or they'll fly away. We need to soothe them, so they can nest here and lay their magic eggs full of jobs. Which never hatch, by the way. Bush said his tax cuts for the rich would create jobs, they didn't. We're now being told if multinational corporations bring home their current overseas profits of $1.4 trillion, they'll only be taxed 5% on it, because we're told it will create jobs. It won't, just like it didn't the last time we tried it in 2004. Companies took the savings, and paid it out to themselves in dividends.
Yes, Republican base, you are just like that jury. It is pathetically clear who's killing the middle class, but you keep letting them get away with murder.
That's our show. I'm glad I got that off my chest.
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