Saturday Satire: Dumb And Dumbest Edition

    What a week this has been if you are a real human, and have been keeping up with the  “ GOP Comedy Show “ known as the Republican “ Pick me, please “ tour. Of course, Rick Perry and Herman Cain have been the stars of the series, proving that even a higher education can still make one an A+  stupid.

David Letterman: "One by one the Republican candidate potentials have been shooting themselves in the foot making huge, horrible gaffes and they just look silly. It's gotten so bad that President Obama is now worried he may actually be re-elected."

"Newt Gingrich is so confident about his chances that he's already working on his concession speech."

"If we have to sit through any more of these Republican debates, I'm ready for a dictatorship."

"I'm thinking Herman Cain doesn't get it. He brought a date to the debate."

"Today it's 61 and foggy, like Rick Perry. But it's nice to see a guy running for President who's only groping for words."

"I'm worried about Rick Perry. For one, I'm worried that maybe he's too conservative. Two, I worry a little bit about his debating skills. And three, I — Oh, what was three?"

Bill Maher: "Someone told Rick Perry today that Obama, as he did, laid a wreath on the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. And Rick Perry said 'See, he blanks on names too.'"

"Rick Perry forgets his own talking points, Herman Cain forgets every woman he ever groped, Mitt Romney forgets he used to be for everything he is now against; they don’t need debates, they need ginkgo biloba."

"It has gotten so bad in the party that Newt Gingrich is now starting to surge, which is never good news for Mrs. Gingrich."

Conan O'Brien: "Paris Hilton is more popular than Congress. And, like Congress, Paris's maximum capacity is 500 members."

"There was an awkward moment when Herman Cain turned to Michele Bachmann and asked her what she was willing to do to get the job."

Jay Leno: "Cain's only real foreign policy experience is from when he ran the National Restaurant Association and had to deal with the manager from the International House of Pancakes."

"People attending a Rick Perry event in New Hampshire had to prove they were American citizens. They asked a math or science question and if you get it wrong, you were born here."

Technorati Tags: Political Humor,Friday Funnies,Late Night Talk,Occupy Wall Street,Herman Cain,Rick Perry,Jay Leno,David Letterman,Current Events,An American Gothic,Humor

Feds: All Commodity Traders To Be Audited

November 11, 2011 02:00 PM

By Susie Madrak           Crooks & Liars

Get out the popcorn! You know how they got Al Capone on tax evasion? Maybe we're finally going to see a some Wall Street bankers go to jail for something, even if it's not for crashing the economy. But if we're going to audit futures trading, it could break the backs of food and oil speculators who are driving up the cost of food worldwide:

Federal regulators have ordered an audit of every American futures trading firm to verify that customer money is protected, a move that comes after roughly $600 million in client funds were discovered to be missing from MF Global, the bankrupt brokerage firm once run by Jon S. Corzine.

The Commodity Futures Trading Commission, the federal regulator searching for the missing money at MF Global, will audit many of the nation’s largest futures commission merchants, according to a person briefed on the decision. Exchanges like the CME Group will examine smaller firms to ensure they are keeping customer money separate from company money, a fundamental rule on Wall Street.

The futures commission also announced on Thursday that it had formally opened an investigation into MF Global, a largely symbolic move that indicated the seriousness of the case. The agency has already issued subpoenas to MF Global and its auditor, PricewaterhouseCoopers, but the commission had to vote before announcing a full-scale investigation.

“The commission has determined it is in the public interest to confirm the existence of this particular investigation,” the agency said in a statement.

Now, I happen to think they'd be investigating MF Global anyway, but the fact that they're going to audit all the futures traders has to be sending a tremor down Wall Street and I'm going to give some credit to the Occupy movement. Stay tuned!

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