Friday Funnies: Presidential Jokes

   These are quotes from our past keepers of the White House, with one editorial cartoon from the present thrown in for the hell of it.

During a sound check before a Saturday radio broadcast, Reagan said, "My fellow Americans. I'm pleased to announce that I've signed legislation outlawing the Soviet Union. We begin bombing in five minutes."
Reagan was unaware, however, that the feed was live. Word quickly made its way to the Soviets, who put their military on high alert. Those Ruskies never did have much of a sense of humor.      Source

''In the next hundred days our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all we have a lot in common. He is a person of color--although not a color that appears in the natural world.''                   President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner

''What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?''

—President Ronald Reagan, on Clint Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel

''For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks.''

—President George H.W. Bush, in 1988

''In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.''

—President John Adams

''Recession is when your neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours. And recovery is when Jimmy Carter loses his.''

—President Ronald Reagan

''If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'''

—President Lyndon Johnson

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''I must confess I really did not want to be here tonight. But I knew I had to come. That's one more problem that I inherited from George W. Bush.''

—President Barack Obama, at the 2009 White House Correspondents' Dinner