Saturday Satire: Late Night Talk

"[GOP] campaigns soliciting money know exactly what buttons to push. They send urgent emails with emotional triggers that make you feel part of something bigger. Like Bachmann's 'Join the Fight,' Pawlenty's 'I can't do it alone' and Herman Cain's 'Give me five dollars and I'll punch a Muslim.'"
---Stephen Colbert

"They say the price of gas could soon be under $3 a gallon. Do you know what that means? You can now afford to drive by the house you used to live in, go by the job you used to have, and go see the bank where you used to have money."
---Jay Leno

"New reports say that President Obama’s re-election team is going to try to portray Mitt Romney as 'weird.' They’re also going to try to portray Michele Bachmann as 'Michele Bachmann.'"
---Conan O'Brien

"There's a rumor that Joe Biden called the Republicans terrorists this week. And they were furious about this. They were so upset about being called terrorists, they went out and took the FAA hostage."
---Bill Maher

"A restaurant here in New York is serving a grilled cheese-flavored martini. Or as parents put it, 'Finally, a way to get my kids to finish their martinis.'"
---Jimmy Fallon

"A new poll shows that disapproval of Congress is at an all-time high. Eighty-two percent of Americans disapprove of the job Congress is doing and the other 18 percent weren’t home when the question was asked."
---Jimmy Kimmel                         Source

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