Friday Funnies: Nothing Special Edition

David Letterman: "Hookers in Times Square, God bless 'em, are offering a Mitt Romney Special. For an extra $20 they'll change positions."

"People say that Rick Perry may have been drunk at an appearance. Well, take a look at those poll numbers. I'd be drunk too."

"When Herman Cain was in charge of the National Restaurant Association, there were allegations of sexual harassment. They have revealed one came from Sara Lee."

"President Obama had his physical today. His cholesterol is down, blood pressure down, approval rating down. He's fit and eats healthy food, and Fox News says that proves he's not an American."

Jay Leno: "President Obama invited trick-or-treaters to the White House Saturday night and they had a very scary party. They sat in a circle, turned off all the lights and the kids read the president his poll numbers."

"Earlier tonight, a bunch of rich kids came to my door, took all my candy and the other 99 percent of the kids in the neighborhood are now occupying my lawn."

"The economy is still hurting. Thirty percent of Americans are so disillusioned, they are thinking of moving back to Mexico."

"Two women have accused Herman Cain of sexually suggestive behavior in the '90s. He said no. He was just explaining to them his 69-9-9 plan."

 

"Herman Cain told a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters to go home, get a job, and get a life. That's the Republican version of hope and change, ladies and gentlemen."

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