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Romney won the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, so, in the spirit of thinking that he’s an ass..
Jimmy Kimmel: "I came up with a great slogan for Romney. "It's time to Mitt or get off the pot."
“Apparently a large branch of Mitt Romney’s family lives in Mexico. … His grandfather in the late 1800s moved his whole family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. … Mitt can use that to show that he’s tough on immigration. His family kicked themselves out of the country.”
Jay Leno: "Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He won the New Hampshire primary last night. See, this is proof that even the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire can beat the odds and run for president of the United States."
"You know the difference between Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Tim Tebow? When God tells Tim Tebow to run, he wins."
"A group calling itself the Courage Campaign is trying to win support for a millionaire tax by running an ad showing Kim Kardashian. They want the Kardashians to pay more. This is part of the plan to raise taxes on the dumbest 1 percent."
"Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it's not easy keeping a roof over your family's heads — as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah."
Jimmy Fallon: "While campaigning yesterday, Jon Huntsman said he was 'ready to rock and roll.' Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney said he was ready to 'easy listen.'"
"After Iowa and New Hampshire, Mitt Romney's campaign is now two for two. After his performance last night, Rick Perry's campaign merchandise is now two for one."
Conan O'Brien: "Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement."
"Yesterday Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House. There was an awkward moment when they tried to adopt President Obama."
David Letterman: "Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America."
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