Saturday Satire: Dimwit Government Edition

Conan O'Brien: "Today John McCain said the shutdown was, quote, one of the most shameful things he's seen as a senator. That's from a guy who saw Lincoln get shot."

Jimmy Kimmel : "After 16 days the government shutdown is over. Right now a devastated Ted Cruz is filibustering a squirrel on the lawn of the Capitol building."
"Some of these guys in Congress are acting like this is a big achievement. If you pick up a gun and don't shoot yourself in the leg with it, that's not really an achievement."
"It's day 15 of the government shutdown. President Obama said he was hopeful an agreement would be reached tonight. Part of the problem is that Republicans can't even agree among themselves on what they want. Which means Obama doesn't know what to tell them they can't have."

Craig Ferguson: 'A lot of people got mad when Michelle Obama expanded the White House garden. That just shows you some people don't know their history. When Eleanor Roosevelt grew a garden, it was a 'victory garden.' But when Michelle Obama does it, it's a 'communist plot.'"
"When I first heard the White House was under attack by freaky rodents, I thought, 'What's Ann Coulter done now?'"

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