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Monday, January 16, 2012

Saint Ron Paul’s Biblical Adventure

    While blazing through the vast Internet universe, I came across one of the books of the Bible renamed  the “ Book of Saint Ron Paul.

More from the Book of Paul

by ontheleftcoast           Sat Jan 14, 2012

I had a bit of fun morphing the words of the Book of Mark into the rather bizarre, self-serving words of the Republican party's mad elf Ron Paul. My sig line was the result. So I took a shot at transcribing more of chapter 8 into the words of Adam Smith as misunderstood and taught by Saint Ron Paul.

[1] In those days the millionaires being very great, and having caviar to eat, Adam Smith called his disciples unto him, and said
[2] "I have compassion for the millionaires, because they have now been with me for many days, and have nothing but caviar to eat."
[3] "And if I send them away to their own mansions, they will faint on the way, for they lack carbohydrates and they came from afar."
[4] And his disciples answered him, "From whence can a man satisfy these men with bread here in the wilderness?"
[5] And he asked them, "How many loaves have ye?" And they said, "Seven."
[6] And he commanded the rich to sit down at the tables with fine linen: and he took the seven loaves, and the money collected to feed the poor, and paid for more loaves, and said, "The rich did pay more so should get more."

Editor's note, the following several verses are a rather boring account of various courses being served to all the guests. Those that couldn't pay were given vouchers for a meal at a later time at the soup kitchen. Back to the story.

[31] And he began to teach them, that he must suffer many things, that he would be rejected by the scholarly, and be replaced by better understanding of markets, but after 3 generations would rise again.
[32] And he spake that saying openly. And Peter took him, and began to rebuke him.
[33] But when he had turned about and looked on his disciples, he took from Peter and gave it to Paul, saying, "Get thee behind me, Peter: for thou savorest not the things that be of gold, but the things that be of paper money."
[34] And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples, he said unto them, "Whosoever will follow me, let him pay for himself, pick up his own check, and he can join me."
[35] "For whosoever will put his life savings in stocks shall lose it; but whosoever shall put his life savings in gold, the same shall save it."
[36] "For what profit a man, if he gain the world, but has to pay taxes on it?"
[37] "For what shall a man demand in exchange for those taxes?"
[38] "Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and my words in this deficit spending and wasteful generation; of him shall I be ashamed when I return."

When money is your religion then you surely must follow the profits.

Originally posted to ontheleftcoast on Sat Jan 14, 2012
Also republished by Street Prophets and Community Spotlight.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Sunday Satire: Mitt Romney Edition

   Romney won the New Hampshire primary on Tuesday, so, in the spirit of thinking that he’s an ass..

Jimmy Kimmel: "I came up with a great slogan for Romney. "It's time to Mitt or get off the pot."

“Apparently a large branch of Mitt Romney’s family lives in Mexico. … His grandfather in the late 1800s moved his whole family to Mexico to avoid being prosecuted for polygamy. … Mitt can use that to show that he’s tough on immigration. His family kicked themselves out of the country.”

Jay Leno: "Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He won the New Hampshire primary last night. See, this is proof that even the multimillionaire son of a multimillionaire can beat the odds and run for president of the United States."

"You know the difference between Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, and Tim Tebow? When God tells Tim Tebow to run, he wins."

"A group calling itself the Courage Campaign is trying to win support for a millionaire tax by running an ad showing Kim Kardashian. They want the Kardashians to pay more. This is part of the plan to raise taxes on the dumbest 1 percent."

"Mitt Romney says he understands the middle class, and that he knows it's not easy keeping a roof over your family's heads — as well as vacation roofs in San Diego, New Hampshire, and Park City, Utah."

Jimmy Fallon: "While campaigning yesterday, Jon Huntsman said he was 'ready to rock and roll.' Not to be outdone, Mitt Romney said he was ready to 'easy listen.'"

"After Iowa and New Hampshire, Mitt Romney's campaign is now two for two. After his performance last night, Rick Perry's campaign merchandise is now two for one."

Conan O'Brien: "Fidel Castro declared that a robot would do a better job as president than Barack Obama. After hearing this, Mitt Romney thanked Castro for his endorsement."

"Yesterday Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt stopped by the White House. There was an awkward moment when they tried to adopt President Obama."

David Letterman: "Mitt Romney said that he liked to fire people. Well, there's a pretty good message to send to Middle America."