Saturday Satire: Santorum Edition

David Letterman: “They’re saying now it looks like the state of Michigan is swinging toward Rick Santorum. And I think if there’s a word that best describes Rick, it’s ‘swinging.’”

“They’re saying now that Rick Santorum is gaining momentum because he’s not Romney. And Mitt Romney was furious. He replied, ‘Well, I can do that.”

"Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum are both against gay marriage. Really, against gay marriage? I tell you, the problem with this is they’d make such a cute couple.”

Bill Maher: “We have a new frontrunner for the Republicans, Rick Santorum…the little creep that could.”

“Poor Mitt Romney, he’s got the money, he’s got the organization, he’s got the name recognition. He has one weakness: an inability to get votes.”

“You can tell that this Santorum surge has Mitt Romney a little rattled. He was at the CPAC Convention today, and he showed up in a sweater vest with a fetus in a jar.”

"Contraception is back in the news, Planned Parenthood -- issues that have been real losers for Republicans in the past, especially with women. Makes Republicans lose their votes, makes them seem out of touch, but they say, 'We'll worry about that when women get the vote.'"
“Rick Santorum is against birth control, he’s against ordaining women as priests, he thinks two women kissing is immoral. See, this is the difference between me and Rick Santorum; neither one of us got a lot of dates in high school, but I just didn’t spend the rest of my life taking it out on women.”
“Romney, Gingrich, Santorum spent their week lecturing America about the morality of birth control. You know, you guys don’t need birth control, you are birth control.”

Seth Meyers:  “Rick Santorum is hoping his three wins in the Republican primaries on Tuesday will position him as the conservative alternative to Mitt Romney. And I think that's reflected in his new campaign slogan: the other white meat.”

Technorati Tags: Rick Santorum,Mitt Romney,2012 Elections,Political Humor,David Letterman,Bill Maher,Late Night Talk,Seth Meyers,Current Events,An American Gothic,Politics

Mitt Romney and the GOP: “ Where Nonsense Becomes Truth “

By Tom Schimmeck
Translated By Ron Argentati  for WatchingAmerica.com
13 February 2012

Edited by Louis Standish          Original ( In German )

The Republican primaries are proving that many Americans live in a bizarre world. A cultural war threatens.
They're calling Mitt Romney a “moderate” again. He's middle of the road — a centrist. If the rest are all zombies, then Dracula wins the beauty contest.
The battle to become the Republican presidential nominee has raged for months. That's a convincing argument, first of all, for the fact that the Republican Party has degenerated into a pack of raving fundamentalists, and secondly, it signals a severe decline in the level of discourse. The first point is no issue at all; for them, loony has been normal for ages. This is a group that has become increasingly excitable and thus increasingly dimwitted. It's not just the poisonous darts from talk radio hosts, not just Rupert Murdoch's notoriously hyperventilating Fox News moderators that are dragging the level of American politics ever lower. It looks like all the various arch- and neoconservative, libertarian, evangelical and chauvinistic elements in the United States are coalescing into a new cosmos of extremists.
The cultural warriors of conservatism see the world thus: Health insurance for everyone is socialism. The right to have an abortion is mass murder. Environmental protection is dictatorship. Climate change is all a lie. But of course the military is sacrosanct and the right to private weapons ownership is inviolable. The rowdies on the right indulge their political furor, slavering every few days over a new liberal issue. They gnaw at it as if it were a juicy bone. They still believe they're fighting against some liberal mainstream and never realize that they themselves are the new mainstream. They're always at their enemy's throat; they're on an eternal holy crusade.
Those identifying with the tea party movement have truly proven to be the most useful idiots. They helped divert the anger against Wall Street onto the Washington political establishment, onto politics in general. Government sucks. Politics is crap. They find their own government repugnant — the “federal government” (pronounced as if they were spitting out a piece of gristle). Such rhetoric is mortally dangerous; it causes democracy to self-destruct.
Think that's too extreme? Just listen to Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Newt Gingrich or Ron Paul. Evolution? What the hell is that? Ah, you mean God! Financial crisis? That wasn't caused by greed on the part of bankers, it was due to over-regulation by the government. They wallow in a torrent of nonsense, in a fiery, hyper-patriotic, ultra-bizarre idiocy. They trot out theories and “facts” that Josef Joffe buries in clauses and the Frankfurter Allgemeine newspaper would reject; stuff even the tabloid Bild newspaper wouldn't dare print. German Christian Democrats in favor of a social safety net would be called communists in their United States. The entire spectrum there is skewed to the right. It's a nation of people who dwell in a completely different reality. And they rant and they rave.
Can it be that reality is just whatever insanity happens to be most socially popular at any given moment? That may sound a bit too cynical but we're talking about a nation that is the cradle of democracy, the world's leading capitalist country and the nation that also accounts for a major portion of the popular culture the rest of the world consumes.
Multimillionaire Willard Mitt Romney acts as if he hates politics. He constantly reminds us that he has never worked a single day inside the Beltway. But he wants to allow gays to hang on to a few rights enjoyed by straights — already treason to many Republican zealots. And he's not entirely against the minimum wage — enough to get a radio agitator like Rush Limbaugh screeching. Romney has even pointed out that “Islam is not an inherently violent faith.”
That REALLY set them off ...

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