Saturday's Political Jokes...

... and they all come from our lovely "late night" television shows.

Jay Leno: "Next week, the president of China will be at the White House. And good news — he has no plans to foreclose."

"And in a major reversal of U.S. policy, President Obama has narrowed the conditions under which we would use nuclear weapons. He said we'd only use them against Iran, North Korea or Fox News."

David Letterman:"The government says the economy is bouncing back. So now we can go back to making cars nobody wants. That will be good."

"People were standing in line around the block all weekend to get an iPad. Out in Arizona, John McCain was waiting in line for an IBM Selectric."

Jimmy Kimmel:"Tiger Woods will play his first golf tournament in five months, and his first tournament in six years without lipstick on his lucky underwear."

politicalhumor.about.com

Late Night Political Jokes: Tuesday Edition

It has been some time since i've posted my " Friday Funnies" listing of the best political jokes coming from those late-night talk show hosts, so here is a shortened version for all of you on this fine Tuesday.

David Letterman:
"Congress has been agonizing over health care for months now. Squabbling, fighting, the town hall meetings going crazy. Meanwhile, while they're arguing about health care, we're stuck in two wars that were rubber-stamped in about 10 minutes. What? How does that make any sense when you think about it?"

"People are always saying to me, 'Well, Dave, are you worried?' No, I'm not worried about health care, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm with CBS. ... They have a tremendous health care plan. And here's what it is. Simply, when I die, I get to appear on a 'CSI' show as a corpse."

Bill Maher:

"And then there's the people who come to the town hall meetings about health care and think that Obama is going to do the same thing that Hitler did. I mean, what can't you tell these people that they won't believe? I could start a rumor right now. I could say, you know what? Under Obama's health care plan, when you bring your child to a pediatrician, from now on, when he's done, instead of giving him a balloon, he's going to give the kid a condom. Stupid is a preexisting condition, yes."

"And apparently, it's now no longer enough to be screaming as they've been doing at the town hall meetings. They're now bringing guns. I would say these people are armed to the teeth, but they have no teeth."

"And they're also bringing guns to events with the president of the United States. Did you see these people with the assault rifles? There was a guy -- and it was a black guy -- holding a big assault rifle, which is terrible news for white people. I mean, first we lose our dominance over music, then sports, then golf, then the presidency. Now, black people are taking over the gun-toting redneck industry."

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bldailyfeed3.htm

Have a great day!!