Late Night Political Jokes: Tuesday Edition

It has been some time since i've posted my " Friday Funnies" listing of the best political jokes coming from those late-night talk show hosts, so here is a shortened version for all of you on this fine Tuesday.

David Letterman:
"Congress has been agonizing over health care for months now. Squabbling, fighting, the town hall meetings going crazy. Meanwhile, while they're arguing about health care, we're stuck in two wars that were rubber-stamped in about 10 minutes. What? How does that make any sense when you think about it?"

"People are always saying to me, 'Well, Dave, are you worried?' No, I'm not worried about health care, and I'll tell you why. Because I'm with CBS. ... They have a tremendous health care plan. And here's what it is. Simply, when I die, I get to appear on a 'CSI' show as a corpse."

Bill Maher:

"And then there's the people who come to the town hall meetings about health care and think that Obama is going to do the same thing that Hitler did. I mean, what can't you tell these people that they won't believe? I could start a rumor right now. I could say, you know what? Under Obama's health care plan, when you bring your child to a pediatrician, from now on, when he's done, instead of giving him a balloon, he's going to give the kid a condom. Stupid is a preexisting condition, yes."

"And apparently, it's now no longer enough to be screaming as they've been doing at the town hall meetings. They're now bringing guns. I would say these people are armed to the teeth, but they have no teeth."

"And they're also bringing guns to events with the president of the United States. Did you see these people with the assault rifles? There was a guy -- and it was a black guy -- holding a big assault rifle, which is terrible news for white people. I mean, first we lose our dominance over music, then sports, then golf, then the presidency. Now, black people are taking over the gun-toting redneck industry."

http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/bldailyfeed3.htm

Have a great day!!

FISA,PATRIOT ACT Fixes Under Way?

Feingold, Durbin to intro FISA, PATRIOT fixes
by ben masel Sun Aug 23, 2009

I caught up with Senator Feingold at his re-election fundraiser/picnic this
morning.He and Senator Durbin have given up on waiting for the Administration to submit a package of amendments to the PATRIOT and FISA Amendment Acts, and are drafting their own. Rollout in approximately a month.
I also asked Russ about legislation creating statutory privacy rights in the location database collected by cellphone carriers, which are not covered by existing law, and courts have been mixed in requiring warrants for law enflorcement access. He's going to see if Durbin wants to include this in the package, otherwise he'll do a standalone bill. I'd discussed both topics with Representative Nadler, Chair of House Judiciary's Subcommitee on Courts and Constitution in the elevator at Netroots Nation, convinced him to hold hearings on the location privacy issue "in a couple months."